Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
