I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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