he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
