so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
