24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
