There was a lot of him and a little penis
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
