ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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