just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
