How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
