I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
