Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
