Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
