well you can't waste a boner
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
