My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
