he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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