While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
