this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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