They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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