What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
