He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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