oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
