are you still at the devil's house?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
