Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
