I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
