I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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