If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
