I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
