i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
barbara walters just said penis...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
