I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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