she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
