I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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