Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
