It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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