I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
