no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
