Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
