I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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