she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
