yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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