remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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