ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Send help, water and tortillas.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
