The maid of honor just puked.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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