my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
