I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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