This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
