did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
