my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
