he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
