i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're like the curious george of whores
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
