She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
