She's JV to your varsity
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
