Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
