My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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