Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
